Pope’s Hat Night

Dennis Miller was fond of this story, which he told on his radio show recently. He used it an example of the difference between Good Comedy & Great Comedy. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the name of the great comedian Dennis was talking about.

The comedian Dennis was describing said that corporate imagination is too narrow. For promotional nights at the ball park, for example, they’re too much into the conventional, humdrum promotional items — the 1st 20,000 fans through the gate get a Yankees T-shirt or a Yankees ball cap or a Yankees bobble-head doll or something non-imaginative like that.

What they should do, the comedian said, is come up with something new & imaginative on Fan Appreciation Night — say, the 1st 20,000 fans through the gate get a pin-striped Pope’s hat in New York Yankees colors with the New York Yankees emblem on it.

Just think what would go through the mind of the lead-off batter for the visiting team at the start of the game — looking up at the crowd & seeing 20,000 home-team fans wearing those pointy Pope-style hats with Yankees emblems on’m.

At this point, Dennis Miller said here’s what separates Good Comedy from Great Comedy. A good comedian, Dennis said, would say the lead-off batter would be thinking to himself, “Whoa, it must be Pope’s hat night.”

But according to Dennis Miller, a great comedian instead would say that the batter would look up & think to himself, “Whoa, I hope it’s Pope’s hat night.”

Push Back Against Bogus R.O.F.R. ?

Do you think a resort attempting to exercise 1 of those bogus non-binding after-the-fact ROFR (i.e., ROFL) provisions would be susceptible to push-back ?

That is, wouldn’t the timeshare closing services company be able to tell’m, “Uh, no, there is no ROFR provision in the recorded association documents establishing this timeshare. So therefore ROFR does not apply to this transaction. So therefore you are instructed to erase the old owner’s name & write in the new owner’s name, exactly as it appears on the new deed that just today was officially recorded down at the county registrar’s office.” (or words to that effect) ?

Or, what about an individual owner pushing back himself or herself, never mind doing it through a timeshare closing services agency ?

Would the timeshare company try to bluff it through, in effect daring the owner to lodge an official complaint?

And if the new owner wanted to contest bogus non-binding ROFR, what about a low-cost action right there in Small Claims Court, given that the minimal market value of timeshares on the secondary market is apt to be within the dollar limit for small claims actions ?

An order from a Small Claims Judge erasing all those bogus ROFR provisions throughout the Florida timeshare biz — wouldn’t that be something ?

Where’s That New Timeshare Biz Plan ?

Timeshares may still be just a drop in the vacation-biz industry bucket. But even so, major serious money is involved — enough so that it’s surprising (isn’t it?) that Big Business has tried only a handful of ways of making money off timeshares.

Financing Timeshare Development. Commercial banking companies, mainly.

Building & Selling Timeshares. Build’m. Offer freebies. Twist arms. Blow smoke. Sell for big bux & high carrying charges.

Managing & Operating Timeshares. Overlaps partly with Building & Selling Timeshares, but not completely. Money is also made operating & managing timeshares for profit independently of timeshare building & selling companies — e.g., under contract to owner-controlled independent timeshares.

Brokerage & Clearinghouse For Timeshare Exchanges. RCI. I-I. SFX. DAE. RedWeek-Dot-Com Etc. Also, proprietary “mini-system” exchange systems, overlapping partly with Managing & Operating Timeshares.

Exploiting Owner Dissatisfaction. Up-Front Fee Listing “Services.” Postcard Companies.

Is that about it ?

What about a few new wrinkles ?

The Timeshare Channel. On cable & satellite TV, giving timeshare developers adequate opportunity to showcase their latest luxury resorts, but also providing airtime to talking-head shows revealing “inside baseball” knowledge about the secondary market, sales presentations, the truth about timeshare exchanges, how to rent, how to rent out, how to sell, demystifying arcana like ROFR, UDI, RTU, EEY, EOY, points, floating weeks, maintenance fees, etc. Also, RCI-101 & I-I 101.

Think TUG – TV — straight timeshare program material plus commercials & infomercials.

The idea is to replace market ignorance with at least a measure of market savvy, which — as it takes hold & spreads — might lead to pressure on the build-&-sell biz to open itself to straightforward non-armtiwsting sales at reasonable mark-up margins without all that sideshow barker ambiance.

Why not a Wal*Mart style of “new” (i.e., developer) timeshare sales?

Why not a timeshare version of CarMax for resales?

These developments, if they ever come about, will not be motivated by any altruistic desire to stop skinning the suckers. Rather, they will be based on the profit motive, seeking to make huge piles of money by providing consumers an alternative to being skinned as so many of them are under the old biz model.

Or is the timeshare biz such a teeny-weeny niche market that there’s no room for the emergence of any Timeshare Wal*Mart / Timeshare CarMax / Timeshare Channel ?

What other enlightened biz plans might 1 day emerge as alternatives to the conventional timeshare biz that we all know & recognize as the butt of so many jokes ?

Another R.O.F.L. Post

A 60-something married couple are seated in side-by-side easy chairs watching TV. A commercial comes on, interrupting the TV show. During the break the woman says to the man, “If 1 of us dies 1st, I’m moving to Florida.”

–oOo–

A 60-something married lady takes a Polaroid instant snapshot of her husband. “There,” she tells him. “In just 60 seconds you can see what a drag you are.”

–oOo–

An old maid calls up the kennel to complain about the bill she received in the mail for stud service when she had her maltie-poo bred. “I don’t understand,” she said. “You mean my dog has to pay?”

–oOo–

Steven Wright said he stayed at a beautiful new deluxe hotel with a swimming pool on the 23rd floor. “I couldn’t believe how deep it is,” he said.

— oOo —

Three golfers are struck by lightning on Christmas Eve. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them he’ll let’m in if they have something with them on their physical person that is reminiscent of Christmas.

The 1st guy whips out his cell phone. “What’s that got to do with Christmas?” St. Peter says.

“Listen,” he says as the ring tone lights into Jingle Bells.

“OK,” St. Peter says. “Come on in.”

The 2nd guy pulls out his key ring. “What’s that got to do with Christmas?” St. Peter says.

Jangling the keys on the ring, the guy says, “These jingling keys remind me of the sound of Christmas bells.”

“All right,” St. Peter says. “You can come in, too.”

Out of his pocket, the 3rd guy pulls a pair of women’s underpants. “Really now,” St. Peter says, “what do those have to do with Christmas?”

The guy shrugs & says, “They’re Carol’s.”

— oOo —

A guy who just bought a timeshare for full freight sees a resale billboard on the highway. He’s so angry at paying big bux instead of buying for nickels on the dollar that he’s beside himself. He goes back to the sales center & storms into the sales manager’s cubicle. “I’m mad as hell & I want my money back,” he says.

The sales manager says, “Who’s that other guy that’s with you?”

“That’s me,” the guy says. “I’m beside myself.”

— oOo —

So this guy takes the WestGate timeshare tour, for freebies, but is so attracted by the spectacular condo units & the persuasive sales presentation that he decides it’s the chance of a lifetime that he would be a fool to turn down.

The papers are drawn up. The guy signs a promissory note but is also asked for a cash deposit of $100. He takes a fresh, new C-note out of his billfold, hands it over, collects his receipt & his Welcome To The Wonderful World Of WestGate Vacations package, & heads on out (after a brief stop at Gifting — even people who don’t say No Thanks get to collect their timeshare tour freebies).

The WestGate guy processing the payment & the paperwork happens to notice that instead of 1 C-note, there are 2 crisp brand-new bills stuck together. He separates them, now holding $200 in his hand along with a receipt showing the cash payment of $100.

This places him in an awkward position facing a troubling ethical dilemma, to wit . . .

Should he tell David A. Siegel ?

— oOo —

She: If I died & you remarried, would you let your new wife sleep in my bed?

He: Well, if something like that happened, and I got married again, and we were both OK with it, I guess she could sleep in your bed.

She: But if I died and you took a 2nd wife, would you let her wear my clothes?

He: I don’t know. Maybe if she wore the same size, & liked some of your styles, maybe she might wear some of your outfits.

She: Then, if you remarried after I was gone, would you let your new wife drive my car?

He: No. Absolutely not. No way.

She: Wait a minute. If I died & you remarried & you’d let your new wife sleep in my bed and wear my clothes, why wouldn’t you let her drive my car?

He: Because she doesn’t know how to drive stick shift.

— oOo —

Cannibal No. 1 : I don’t like your brother-in-law.

Cannibal No. 2 : Just eat the noodles.

— oOo —

Boy No. 1 : Do you believe in The Devil ?

Boy No. 2 : Nah! — It’s just like Santa Claus — it’s your Old Man.

— oOo —

So this guy buys an expensive mynah bird for his mother. It’s priced high because it speaks fluent English, French, Spanish, Italian, & Portuguese. But he thinks his mother will enjoy it, so he pays for the bird & arranges to have it delivered to her house.

A couple of weeks go by & he’s heard nothing from his mother. So he calls.

“Mom,” he says. “Did they deliver that bird I bought for you?”

“Yes, dear. They did. And I want to thank you. It was delicious.”

“Delicious? Mom, you ate that bird?”

“Yes, dear. It was very good.”

“Mom, that bird spoke 5 languages.”

“Well, then it should have said something.”

— oOo —

Two guys out for an afternoon of golf are tired of being delayed by the slow play of the 2 ladies right ahead of them on the course. They decide the next time the 2 women hole out, they’ll politely ask if they can play through & go ahead of them.

One of the guys walks down toward the ladies right before they tee up. About halfway to the tee, he abruptly turns round and quickly walks back.

“What happened?” his golf partner says.

“It was almost a disaster. When I got close enough to recognize them, I saw they were my wife & my girlfriend. I never guessed they knew each other, much less played golf together.”

The other guy says, “Good thing you turned around quick. After the next hole, you stay back & I’ll go down & ask if we can play through.”

The 2 women finish their puts again, & the second guy walks down to intercept them at the next tee. About halfway to the tee, he also abruptly turns round and quickly walks back.

“What happened?” the other golfer says.

“Well,” his partner says, “all I can says is, it’s a small world.”

— oOo —

A pirate sporting peg-leg, hook, & eye patch walks into a bar. He orders a shot & a beer.

The bartender serves the drinks & says, “You must live a hard life.”

The pirate says, “Not so hard. Why do you think so?”

“Well,” the bartender says, “you’ve lost a leg & a hand & an eye. How did that happen?”

“In a naval battle,” the pirate says, “a cannonball hit me right below the knee — been walking on this peg-leg ever since.”

“What about your hand?” the bartender says.

“Some privateers boarded our ship,” says the pirate. “They attacked with cutlasses swinging & I get me hand sliced off in the sword fight. Been making do with this steel hook ever since.”

“How about the eye?” says the bartender.

“Well,” says the pirate, “the day after the sword fight I got a speck in my eye & I naturally started to rub it — but unfortunately I forgot about the new hook.”

— oOo —

This nice looking blonde lady rings the bell. I go to the door. “Yes?” I say.

The blonde says, “Mister, for $200 I’ll paint your porch.”

No way I’m passing up a bargain like that, so I hand over 2 C-notes & she gets to work.

One hour later, she rings the bell again.

“All done,” the blonde says. “And by the way, it’s not a Porsche. It’s a Lexus.”

— xXx —

Leftover Mystery Meat ?

Our friend’s daughter once worked at Wendy’s fast food hamburger joint. Based on her behind-the-scenes work experience there, she said never order the chili at Wendy’s. She did not explain.

There But For The Grace Of God . . .

Several times each summer we drive right by a drug rehab center in southern Delaware on our way to & from Rehoboth Beach.

Every time we cruise past, scrupulously obeying the 25-mph speed limit through town, I am extremely grateful to be on the outside driving past instead of being on the inside.

Drug addiction & alcoholism are an extremely odd disease that tells the person who has the disease that the person doesn’t have a disease. That makes it even more difficult than it already is for the person with the disease to want any help toward recovery.

Help is readily available. But unless the person with the disease wants help, no “help” will do the person any good.

George Carlin, speaking of his own experience, says the main thing that cocaine does — even before getting him high, even before any euphoria sets in, even before there is any kind of rush — the main thing it does is make him want more cocaine. I am pretty sure that’s what happens also with lots & lots of other addictive substances too, not excluding cigarettes & coffee.

Maybe I Am Starting To Catch On To R.O.F.R. — It Really Is. R.O.F.L.

OK, my prior attempt at understanding falls way short.

ROFR clearly is not a floor value below which a resale timeshare price cannot sink. That’s plainly not the case, & the timeshare companies’ saying so (if they actually claim that, I don’t know) won’t pass the Red Face Test.

Say I own a week at a ROFR timeshare. I’m overeager to get out from under, so I let it go to a willing buyer for $500 even though comparable weeks average 5 times that on eBay. By exercising ROFR the timeshare company does not increase the resale price the buyer pays me by 1 single penny. All the timeshare company does is swoop in & snag my underpriced timeshare week for themselves, elbowing out of the way the shrewd bargain hunter who was all set to zap me out of it for only $500. When the dust settles, the resale timeshare still sells for $500 & all I get for it is $500. No price prop-up takes place, none.

If timeshare resale prices are in freefall, as they may well be for all I know, ROFR has no effect on that phenomenon 1 way or another. All ROFR does (where ROFR applies) is prevent regular walking-around buyers from gaining the benefit of low-cost resale timeshares covered by ROFR. With ROFR in place, regular walking-around sellers get zip, zilch, zorch, zero, nothing, nada — not 1 more penny than they would get without ROFR.

I am semi-slow to catch on. But after a while, I sometimes eventually do catch on.

And now it’s official . . .

ROFR = ROFL

Full Disclosure

The way I like beef cooked might well be considered burnt by other folks. By me, medium is OK but medium-well is better & well done is also OK. Shux, falling apart like barbecue is OK. Beef jerky is even OK. Raw & rawish are not OK — but raw & rawish need not be rejected because I can always burn the meat another match or 2 more done if need be.

In The Wheeler Dealers (1963), Henry Tyroon (played by James Garner) is dining with Molly Thatcher (played by Lee Remick). The waiter serves Henry his steak. Henry cuts a morsel, then calls back the waiter. “Waiter,” he says, this meat — it’s all . . . pink . . . inside.”

“Yes, sir?” the waiter says.

Henry says, “Waiter, I want you to take this steak back to the kitchen & tell the chef to burn it.”

“Yes, sir,” says the waiter, taking away the steak.

Molly & Henry are conversing as the waiter comes back with Henry’s plate, on which lies a smoking cinder. The waiter places the dish in front of Henry Tyroon.

Henry cuts off a piece & jabs his fork in it & puts it in his mouth. You can hear it crunching as he chews.

“Mm-mmmm ! ” Henry says. “My compliments to the chef !”

Mickey Deez

I like espresso all right — love it, actually — but as official Old Folks I have pretty much switched to Sr. Citz. coffee at McDonald’s, which is pretty good.

Plus, I hear McDonald’s is getting ready to add espresso & latte & cappuccino & I don’t know what-all to its coffee menu. Who’d a-thunk?

I am guessing, however, that they won’t be offering any Sr. Citz. espresso & latte & cappuccino. So it goes.

Some Assembly Requred

Great peace of mind is required before attempting this.